And He Did

Oh my....every time I decide I'm going to be better about blogging, I'm not better about blogging. I am, however, very good at blog stalking.  I can get lost for hours reading other people's blogs....I'm not sure if that's entirely healthy...but for me it's a glimpse into the work that God is doing in the people around me, and I just generally appreciate people's writing styles.  Geeky! But oh so true.  I also love the fanciness of people's blogs...and admittedly, shyed away from writing in mine because before today it was L-A-M-E.  I had some spare time today, so I snazzed it up a bit.  Hopeful that this will be a more inviting place for me to WANT to write.  Because I do want to.  Writing is healing....therapeutic for me.  And, because I now live a fair distance away from most of my family and friends, blogging is a practical way for me to keep them up to date on my life.  So....let's try this again!  Hopeful.

So...an update on me...this summer has been hard  good.  If I'm truthful, it has been both.  It started in June with me leading a team of 9 high school students to Turkana, Kenya.  My church has a partnership with a church in Nairobi, Kenya and our youth, and their youth went on mission together to minister to a remote and marginalized people group in Kenya.  (For more information you can visit www.wheatonbible.org/hopekenya) I had been planning on co-leading this trip with my good friend and boss, Phil, for months.  I was pumped.  My heart had longed to be back in Africa since I left it's soil in 2011, and I could not wait to be back.  And then two weeks before, Phil was unexpectedly able to go, which landed me as primary leader for this trip.  Exit "pumped" feeling....insert "scared."  How was I going to lead this team without Phil?  Sure, I have led plenty of teams overseas, but always in a support role.  Not the MAIN leader.  My thought pattern was something like, "Really, God?  Do you know what You're doing here?  I'm not even very much older than these kids!  I need Phil.  I can't do this without him.  Are these parents crazy letting their students go with me?  Am I going to make the right decisions at the right times?  What if we miss flights?  I'm so immature.  I have so much to learn.  I cannot possibly be capable of this."  And the list went on, and on, and on.....and ON....as you can imagine.  

In fact, the Sunday night before I left, I opened my journal intending to give God a piece of my mind, and scrawled every single reason why this was the worst idea He has ever had on the pages.  I was scared, I was hesitant to trust, I was full of excuses, I was downright mad that God wasn't allowing me to have the comfort of going on this trip with a familiar friend.  And then God told me to listen.  So reluctantly, I did.  I listened as He spoke to every single fear I had.  As He gently called every single lie I was believing out of the darkness and exposed it in His light, replacing it with His truth.  I listened as He called me to radical trust and obedience.  I humbly accepted my role as leader as He told me that Phil was never going on this trip.  It was always me who was leading it.  This was His plan A....not plan B.  *gulp*  And He ended our time by assuring me that this trip was going to be hard (that's really not comforting, Lord!), and that I was going to have to trust Him in ways I had never imagined (not helping!), but that He would prove Himself trustworthy if I relied on Him in every one of those instances.  Okay.  I can do that.  I think.  So, I told myself I would.  

I am so thankful that my Savior met me where I was at that night before I left, and that He led me to listen, trust, and obey Him in those moments.  Because, I never could have been prepared for how true His words were to me in preparation for what I was about to experience.  Leading a team to one of the most remote parts of Kenya was one of the best and hardest experiences of my life.  I very quickly realized that the theme of this trip was going to be trust and flexibility...not only in myself, but in the students as well.  I have no doubt that God led me to Kenya for MANY reasons, but one of His biggest was to break me down to the point where I had no choice but to trust Him.  To teach me that I can trust Him for every. single. need. I have.  Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.  ALL of them.  I think in my head I have always "known" that.  But I have NEVER been in a position where He was my only source of everything I needed.  I was praying prayers like, "God...I literally cannot walk another step up this mountain in 100 degree heat.  You are going to have to physically move my legs."  And He did.  "God...I am hungry and thirsty.  My water is rationed, and my food is not always edible.  I need You to fill me.  I need You to quench my thirst."  And He did.  "God...I had no idea we were going to be in such extreme conditions.  I had no idea I would be using a squatty potty for a week and a half, much less that a group of 6 HS girls were going to be thrown into this.  I have no idea how to lead.  I need You to show me how to lead."  And He did.  "God, I am halfway across the WORLD from my family.  I am in no way able to get to them if something happens, and I am terrified.  Help me to trust You with my family.  I need You to protect them."  And He did.  "God...we have been traveling for over 24 hours...I am tired, weary, and lacking sleep.  And our bus tire just went flat.  In the middle of nowhere.  In a total desert.  There is no one in sight.  We don't have the right tools.  And it will be HOURS before we come to the next town or pass anyone on the "road".  I need You to bring someone.  I need You to bring the right tools to fix the bus."  AND. HE. DID.  "God, I have no one to talk to and process with.  I am completely lonely in a room full of 60 people.  I need You to listen.  I need You to be my comfort.  I need You to love me right now."  And He did.  

I could go on and on.  Literally.  God showed me in such HUGE, TANGIBLE, RIDICULOUSLY amazing ways that I can trust Him with every detail of my life.  And not just in Kenya.  In West Chicago.  In every second of my normal everyday life.  He is trustworthy.  I am so thankful for this incredibly hard and awesome lesson.  And, I'm still learning.  That's why this summer has been hard good.  And I'm thankful for the ways that My Jesus leads me down the paths that are hard good, because that's where growth happens.  And I'm thankful that He doesn't allow me to settle in and get comfortable where I'm at.  He knows what I'm capable of.  He knows because He made me that way.  And I can trust Him in every hard situation, because when I ask....He. Will.

Here are a few pics of my trip.  Oh my heart just smiles every time I look at them.  (And it's often!)  Oh Africa...stop stealing pieces of my heart already!  

My team.  They were/are wonderful.  What a privilege.  

The Lord gave me the opportunity to give my testimony in a church in Turkana.  It had to be translated into two different languages for people to understand.  What an experience!

Beautiful women of Turkana.  Such joyful worship and wreckless abandon to the Lord.

Sweet babies everywhere.  God also solidified my calling to adoption while in Kenya. (A whole other very long blog post)  What a blessing.  I am so thankful.

 

 Pastor Simon.  One of the pastors at Parklands Baptist.  One of my most favorite men in the world.

I had the most amazing host family (my host sis and I, pictured) who took me for pizza while I was there.  What a treat!!!!  I love them.

I got to kiss a giraffe....and see multiple in the wild.  Giraffes are one of my most favorite things in the entire world, and literally one of the ways God has shown me He loves me.  By allowing me to enjoy His creation, the giraffe.  (I'm so serious!)